Helga's Flu
by Inudaughter Returns
Summary: Helga catches the flu but Miriam makes her go to school, anyway! But what thoughtful boy will take care of her? Arnold, that's who! Takes place right before Princess and the Pauper.
Gerald Johanssen woke up in the morning. He stretched, letting the sunlight filter through the cracks in his barely opened eyes before he opened them to stare at his room. The sight was familiar. His inflatable chair was there. His basketball hoop was, too, and a poster of Pop Daddy. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, the boy say up, then like a zombie from an apocalypse movie, staggered downstairs.

Jameo was hogging the bathroom again, making a lot of splashing sounds from within and singing rap. With an annoyed look, Gerald passed the doorway, then gave his sister Timberly a similarly annoyed look. The frown Gerald wore was one out of habit, really. Timberly was behaving herself for once, saying, "Hello Gerald!" and playing with her Mr. Stuffy doll and a unicorn like they came from the same television series. But all of these siblings were mere obstacles to what Gerald Johanssen wanted most. Breakfast!

If he was lucky, Gerald's mother would be cooking chocolate chip waffles. If not, it would be cereal. But on this day, Gerald was lucky and with a smile, he sat down for a small stack of waffles. "Mommy, good morning!" Gerald greeted with the first real cheer of the day. He smiled, and his mother Mrs. Johanssen, a tall, curved woman with gold earrings and a short perm, smiled back at her son.

"Hello, Gerald!" Mrs. Johanssen greeted. "Did you sleep well?" Gerald picked up his fork as he perched in his chair.

"Never better!" he chirped. But then Gerald heard a loud sneeze. He turned his head as his father came into the kitchen, a tissue on his nose.

"Achoo!" Mr. Johanssen sneezed again. He approached his wife.

"Good morning, honey," he said, moving to give his wife a kiss. But Mrs. Johanssen ducked behind a sheet tray held up over her face.

"Uh-uh!" she scolded, still hidden behind the baking sheet. "I have work today! You'all keep your germs to yourself!"

"Augh, honey!" Mr. Johanssen protested before another light sneeze into his tissue. "You know you're going to get it anyway!"

"Maybe. But I'd rather you didn't share 'the love'. I'd like at least one more day before I get sick!"

"Okay, fair enough," said Gerald's father moving off to pour himself a coffee pot from his coffee maker. Mrs. Johanssen sighed.

"There's a nasty flu going around, Gerald, so be sure to drink your water!" Mrs. Johanssen poured Gerald a cup of orange juice. Gerald did what most people do on hearing this news. He flinched. But then he drank his orange juice up.

All the way across the neighborhood, on the other side of the freeway overpass, was Helga's home. The four-story, blue-painted historic row home was fenced on either side by young professionals without children. But in the home of the Patakis there was one child- a girl who often felt forgotten.

On this morning, Helga G. Pataki, G. for Geraldine, opened her eyes to a haze of red. The urge to sit up and fling herself out of bed wasn't in her this morning. In fact, her whole body seemed to be made of wood, and stunned by this fact, Helga tried weakly to sit up. Then she fell back down to her bed with a dizzy flop and gave a weak cough.

"Darn it!" Helga thought more than said for her voice was choked up, too. She hadn't felt this bad last night when she went to bed! She had only been more tired than usual. But now, as Helga dragged herself to the bathroom mirror to study herself, she could see that she had turned ripe-red like a tomato. She pulled her eyelids down to study her red-veined eyes and more for fun than anything, made a bunch of horrible, grotesque faces like someone undergoing a magical transformation into a werewolf.

Her tongue sticking out out for extra effect and her fingernails curled like beast claws, Helga stomped back and forth before the mirror before stopping again and doing a different kind of study. A serious, what-do-I-do-about-this, study. Helga rubbed her palm under her chin considering her next move. Then sticking her tongue out as long as it could go, she rolled it back up with a snap.

"Miriam!" Helga cried, her hand on the bannister as she crawled down the stair. "Oh, please be here, Miriam!" Helga had no strength to be trotting around looking for her mother, not while her fever raged!

Miriam didn't answer any of her calls. But she was to be found in the living room watching the morning news. Miriam loved to hear about all the most horrible events in the world, much like most grown-ups. Helga placed her hands on her hips, her eyebrow flexing as she observed the casual yet profound scene in front of her.

"And now the break!" said the newscaster. "After commercials, more, more, more of the worst-est news you have ever heard! Stay tuned!" said the sexy reporter with a wink. Helga rolled her eyes.

"There is big news, right here!" Helga protested before pointing to herself with a whine. "Moooommm! I'm sick!" Miriam Pataki twisted her head around, then stood up to look at Helga. She felt the girl's head for one second.

"Oh, nonsense, honey!" Miriam said rolling her eyes. "You're out of bed, honey, aren't you? You can't be that sick! Now, look, here I'll get you a packet of medicine! Would you like that honey! Now you'd better hurry or you'll be late to school!"

"But Mom!" Helga complained. "I'm too sick to go to school!" But Miriam didn't answer. Instead she happily hummed as she found Helga's purple and black school lunchbox in the oven. She tossed a few packets of instant food in it.

"Here, look honey!" said Miriam looking quite pleased with herself. "A couple of packages of aspirin! Now isn't that nice!"

"Great, Mom. Great. You're mother-of-the-year material for sure," said Helga rolling her eyes as Miriam handed her the lunchbox. Somehow or other, Helga found herself shooed to the door.

"But Mmmmoooommmmmm!" Helga whined for extra measure. But of course she had expected it wouldn't work when the door closed with a snap. Helga scowled in anger.

"Aspirin. Humph! Well, I guess I'll take these when I get to school," Hela rambled to herself. But she looked up at the sound of a screech. It was the schoolbus driving off!

"Wait!" Helga shouted jogging desperately after it. "Wait!" but the bus drove away too quickly for her to catch up.

"Lovely," said Helga. "Now thanks to Miriam, it looks like I'll be walking there!" Throwing her hands up in the air, Helga began her march.

Reflecting back on it, Helga realized she really should have taken those aspirin, even without water. Because as she marched, she got dizzier, until she wandered so erratically that she wasn't quite sure where she was or where she was going. She may or may not have stepped on a duck or two as they crossed the crosswalk by the park and spectators watched them in a warm, fuzzy moment. But when Helga finally neared the school grounds of P.S. 118, class was already in session. A familiar football-headed face was looking out the window and Helga smiled back at it.

"Arnold!" Helga muttered with joy. Then, tilting backwards, she let the fever take over her and passed out. Inside the room, Arnold watched Helga tip over and collapse, stunned.

"Helga!" the boy said scrambling out the door to the classroom. Soon, he knelt on the pavement beside her and tried to lift Helga from the ground. But coming to a bit, Helga thrashed around and off-balance, both were thrown to the pavement.

"Helga!" Arnold said trying again to lift Helga by her wrist instead of her waist. The girl climbed unsteadily to her feet. "We need to get you to the nurse's office!"

"I don't need help!" said Helga, murmuring more out of fever than anything. She whirled, facing away from the school as she looked across the playground. "Now where's the nurse's office?" Taking another step, she stumbled and Arnold caught her by the waist this time. Meanwhile, curious onlookers pressed up against the glass classroom window.

"Ooh! What are they doing?!" Rhonda speculated scandalously. But Phoebe pulled down the classroom shades with a loud, flop. The falling blinds bonked Rhonda on the head, but Phoebe didn't apologize. Instead, she stared back at Rhonda with an angry, protective glare. Helga Pataki was her best friend after all! Keeping Helga's crush on Arnold safe was her business!

"This way, Helga!" said Arnold, still outside with Helga on the school playground. He settled for leading Helga by the hand until she was in the familiar school building. But she paused by the school's water fountain.

"Ah," said Helga taking a deep drink, then placing her whole face in it. Then she looked up and blinked.

"Huh? What are you doing here, Arnold?" Arnold's eyes grew wide.

"I've been here all along, Helga. Come on. We really need to get you to the nurse's office!" But Helga resisted his tug.

"Hold on!" she said opening her lunchbox. She took one of the packages of aspirin from inside and took them. Then she gulped them down, wiping a bit a fountain water from her mouth with satisfaction.

"Ah!" said Helga with relief. "Now that's better!" She didn't protest this time as Arnold grasped hold of her to steady her and walked her down the hall. Still a bit bemused by fever, and by love, Helga smiled until they reached the nurse's office. Then she frowned. The lights were out and door was locked.

"Closed?!" Helga sputtered, her temper flaring. Anger hurt her head worse and so, bitterly, laying a hand on top of her forehead, Helga cursed. "Stupid, irresponsible, no-good grownups! Where are they when you really need them? Playing hockey or something?!" But then, swooning, Helga deflated. Her arms sagged with her.

"Urk. I really need to lie down somewhere," said Helga. She looked around and saw no chair. Nothing comfortable. So, with a shrug, she lay down on the school floor in front of the nurse's office.

"Helga!" Arnold said alarmed anew. It was the second time Helga had gone down on the ground today, although the second time it had been willingly. And Helga didn't seem to want to get up when he pulled on her.

"Whaaaa?!" said Helga finding the floor perfectly cozy. "I can lay here if I want to!" The aspirin hadn't kicked in yet and her fever was high. She sucked her thumb, even though she hadn't done that since she was two.

"Let's find you a better place," Arnold reasoned. "Until the nurse comes back!" With great reluctance, Helga allowed herself to be pulled to her feet. Flashing his eyes around, Arnold's eyes suddenly rounded in inspiration. There was a soft chair stored in the janitor's closet, below the stairwell. But to get there, they'd have to get down two flights of stairs! He gestured.

"Come on. Helga!" said Arnold, faking a grin. "I'll give you a lift!" Helga smiled giddily.

"Ooohh!" Helga said squeezing Arnold a little too tightly round the neck as he staggered down two flights of steps. But when they got to the door to the closet, it, too, was locked!  
"Dang," observed Helga as Arnold rubbed his chin in thought. "Have you ever noticed how everything goes wrong just when you really don't want them to?"'

"Yeah, I guess I have!" Arnold complained. "Which means…."

Following that trend of thought, it meant that the nurse still wouldn't be in her office when they returned to it. Staggering back up the two flights of steps carrying Helga on his back, Arnold was quite certain he was going to die. He sat on the floor beside Helga, who could flop there all she wanted to after all. The school lunch bell rang. Arnold sat up with a blink.

"Well, at least we can get you a good, hot meal!" he said positively. The two kids scrambled to their feet and made their way to the lunch room.

"Arnold!" said Gerald his eyes squinting in distaste as he saw Helga and Arnold walking in through the lunch room door together. "Where have you been! You skipped class!" Arnold gave a deep sigh.

"Sorry, Gerald. I was TRYING to take Helga to the nurse's office. She's sick."

"The nurse is out sick today," said Gerald. "With the flu." Arnold's eyes grew wide as he took in the irony. Then he grimaced.

"Great!" he said like a curse word. What was a kid supposed to do?

"Ask Sheena!" Gerald said directing a thumb over his shoulder. Sheena caught the sound of her name and waved. "She works at the school store! She might be able to hook you up with some aspirin, and some of the cherry-flavored cough drops that taste too good for your own good! Why, the last time I had a cold, I ate nine bags of them!"

"Fifteen!" Phoebe admitted mildly.

"Thirty-three and a half!" Harold boasted proudly. Gerald took a bit out of his sandwich.

"Anyways, go ask Sheena! Go on! Be a good boy, now, and no more sneaking around with the ladies!" A few of the boys in Arnold's class snickered in the background.

Arnold gave a curious, backwards glare towards Gerald. He didn't know what his friend was thinking and he didn't want to know. Instead, he smoothly made his way over to Sheena, the kindly girl who wore a daisy on her shirt and was forever taller than anyone else. Standing next to Sheena always made Arnold feel small, indeed. But he had business.

"Why, of course I can help you!" said Sheena. She checked her watch. "The school store will be reopening in five minutes!" It was open just before school, during recess, and briefly after school depending on the number of volunteers. Which mostly was just Sheena. Soon Arnold returned to Helga with an armful of bags of cough drops as they sat in the sunshine.

"Here!" he said passing over some aspirin as well. Helga took the bottle and studied it.

"Thanks. I owe you one, Football-Head! You've been really good to me today. I don't know when I can thank you!" Between Helga's sudden flirtatious smile and the curious word 'when', Arnold froze, petrified for a moment. It was entirely possible Helga was being amorous again. When she smiled and leaned forward towards him, Arnold's mouth rumpled with anxiety. Feeling hot under the collar, he scooted back a bit- just in case. But Helga just smiled at him. She held up a plastic bottle full of orange liquid and sloshed it.

"Phoebe got it for me off one of the other girls! Cough syrup! The beverage of kings! Would you like some?"

"No thanks," Arnold gestured, a hand out. He sat back down comfortably to rest. All the excitement of the morning had made him tired.

"I guess we should just go back to class, hm?" asked Helga. Since there was no school nurse and her mother expected her to be at school, there was little else to do, really! "Plus that aspirin has kicked in!" Helga added.

"I guess!" Arnold agreed, still resting. He took one of the cherry-flavored cough drops himself.

Arnold and Helga made their way back to the classroom. They sat in their usual desks by the door. But word had spread, apparently. Almost all of the student's desks were scooted as far as possible to the right of the room. Double-parked, they clustered up against the windows tightly. The classroom windows were opened as wide as they could go and Sid, the occasionally germophobic kid, was wearing a fabric mask over his face. Everyone stared as Helga walked in and flinched when she sneezed.

"What's their problem?" Helga pondered, rubbing her nose. Gerald threw up his arms and rolled his eyes in a shrug. "Sorry, Helga-babe! You know how it is! First to get the flu, is first to get shunned! They'll all settle down in a couple of days!" Helga got a wicked grin. She stood and pulled a kleenex from her pocket. Walking forward, she dangled it in front of Sid.

"Hey, Sid, look what I've got for you!" Helga said with wicked glee. As expected, Sid jumped up from his desk with a squeal and fled to parts unknown.

"Dolts," said Helga before returning to her desk.

Towards the end of the school day, Helga dropped her pencil in shock. She had heard a little cough from the boy ahead of her. Then Arnold coughed again! Now Helga was certain. Arnold had caught the flu, too!

"Here!" she said poking a few cough drops his way. "Ready for some of that cough syrup, now, hm?" Helga said with a grin as she leaned forward against her arm on the desk.

"No, thanks, cough! Helga. Cough! It's just a little catch in my throat, I'm sure!" Arnold said hopefully. But by the end of the school day, he relented.

"Look out, look out!" Helga said boldly swinging through the crowd. "Walking, talking germ factory!" she hollered. The kids wisely cleared out of the way as fast as a Texas speedrunner.

Feeling weary, Arnold followed the wide trail Helga had blazed before it seamed up again with students. Mildly, he got onto the bus. Arnold didn't watch to see that Helga got off at her bus stop. But he did notice when nearly at his own house, she plopped herself down into the bus seat next to him.

"Helga?!" Arnold said out loud, then coughed. He held his throat. "Shouldn't you be home? Resting?"

"Nah!" said Helga waving her hand. "The way I figure it, there'll be nothing good to eat when I get home so I'm going to SubKing! It's right next to your house! Plus, well I dunno! You've walked me home lots of times. I figured I'd do the same! So, you hungry? I've got a twenty!" Helga flashed the twenty dollar bill in the air with a grin.

"You know, ever since you've stopped being my secret stalker to an open one, you've got a lot more bold!" Arnold complained. But Helga grinned.

"Aw, I thought we were friends now! Come on, it's my treat!"

"Well, okay," Arnold relented. They got off the bus and ambled down the street to the restaurant Helga had spoken of. One could see Arnold's fire escape from the outside. It was a small restaurant, but inside it were a few tables to eat at. Helga bought them a couple of full-sized hero sandwiches, but the cashier handed her a kid's toy just the same.

"You know," said Helga eyeing the plastic trinket that had been molded to resemble a space blob. "I just don't get the 'kid's toys' thing. I mean, sure, they make good collectibles sometimes if you're into that sort of thing! But ages 9-12?" she said reading the packaging. "I mean come on! I can already do algebraic calculations! I don't know how this little thing being able to spin in circles is supposed to be intellectually stimulating! I don't think there's a single kid who would actually play with this thing!" Behind her back, Helga suddenly heard Harold laughing hysterically. Helga glanced back to see Harold mashing several of the toy figurines together. "I stand corrected!" she said. But then her eyes bulged as she heard Mr. Wartz at the ordering counter. "Oh, and can I have three of the kid's meals?" said their school principal rubbing his hands together with delight. Helga's eyes twitched from side to side.

Arnold crumpled up the paper sandwich wrapper from his meal. He tossed it into the bin.

"Different spokes for different folks, as Grandpa would say." As Helga and himself strolled out of SubKing, Arnold paused.

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" the boy worried. "You were really sick this morning."

"Don't worry about me!" Helga pledged. "I feel much better!" Arnold and Helga prepared to say their final goodbyes for the time being, but were interrupted by a curious thing. Arnold Grandma poked her head out one of the apartment windows and gestured her finger for them to come closer.

"Hello, Eleanor! Hello, Arnold!" she chirped. "I wouldn't go through the front door if I were you!"

"Why not?" Arnold asked perplexed. But his Grandmother grinned.

"Come in around the back door and I'll show you!" she promised. Curious, both Arnold and Helga tromped around by the back door where they were met by Pookie, who was now chuckling and rubbing her hands together in glee.

"Ah, Grandma, what's going on?" Arnold asked her, beginning to become alarmed. After all, his grandmother was kind of "loopey". Who knew what she was up to now?

"Shh!" said his Grandma laying a finger on her lips. "Come here! Look! Phil hinted this morning he wanted to go 'swimming'. I'm going to help him with that!" Arnold looked down the long boarding house hallway to spot a metal bait bucket hooked right above the front door. It looked like Grandma Pookie was planning to dump a whole bucket full of ice water on Grandpa! Grandma continued to grin with mischief. Then she placed a warm hand on Helga's shoulder, as though Helga and her were best friends.

"Now, I've got something very important to tell you, Eleanor!" Pookie lectured. Helga looked up at the elderly woman with rare respect.

"Remember!" Arnold's Grandma advised in all seriousness. "If a man doesn't have a sense of humor, you can't trust'em! And on rare occasions they've got to be punished!" Grandma Pookie winked with her left eye. Amused, Helga winked with her right one. Both of the troublemakers shared a cunning, conspiratorial smile.

"Grandma!" Arnold fretted at the sight. "Don't tell her that! You'll give her ideas!" Helga might have said something to Arnold. But at that very moment, a loud clatter and sloosh was heard.

"Aw, Pookie!" Arnold's Grandpa wailed in the distance. Grandma Pookie laughed, her laughter coming out a loud chuckle while Helga's laughter was a sweet giggle. Clasping each other's hands, Pookie and 'Eleanor' laughed on at Phil's expense for half a minute. Then Helga wiped the tears from her eyes. She waved.

"Well, Arnoldo, take care of yourself!" said Helga moving to the kitchen's back door to go home. As she disappeared from sight, Arnold turned his head around, the locks of his hair more floppy than usual. He knew that somewhere down the hallway, Grandpa would be trying to shake the ice out of his shirt. But as for him, he had his own problems! Arnold sneezed once. Then he sneezed again.

"Aw," said his Grandma with a maternal air. "What's the matter, Arnold? Did your little friend 'share the love' with you?"

"A little too much," said Arnold with another, heavy sneeze. "Do you think it'd be alright if I stayed home tomorrow?"

"Of course, Arnold!" said Grandma kindly.

"Thanks," Arnold mumbled before he tromped up to his sick bed. And so Arnold Shortman had learned another important truth. Sometimes love can make you miserable. The end.


End file.
